literature

Last gasp

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Zinc-Tails's avatar
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Literature Text

Lost in an endless darkness
Cast out on a frigid winter's night
An accursed memory set adrift in a sea of scorn
In its fury it curses the world for all its beauty
And laughs at all of its faults
Another older poem, these were written back when i was kinda new to writing.*

Edited it since i wasn't happy with it. This is the rewriten version.

:iconthewrittenrevolution:

Once more I'm looking for general feedback mostly. I also want to know about two things here, Flow and Feel. Does it flow smoothly, and how does it "feel" when you read it. Once more i would also like for people to interpret the message they think the poem coveys.*

*Edited the last word from twilight to darkness, im going to see how this works out, i might use the word Eventide, what do yall think.
© 2009 - 2024 Zinc-Tails
Comments18
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Kitty-Kat--89's avatar
I think it flows great
kind of makes me thing of anger or regret's when i read it
but in a simplified way instead of having a giant paragraph
saying the same thing over and over